I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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