how can u be prego again
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
