Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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