dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
50% drunk capacity currently
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
