Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
3 2 1 whiskey
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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