no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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