Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
