ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
