You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
