i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
