apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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