Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
