White coat. Heels.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
