Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
