she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
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