I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
