My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
