i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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