u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
