What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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