if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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