just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
