There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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