So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
