and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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