I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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