You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
