Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
