I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
