Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
