Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So much rum. So many feels.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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