i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Help. Why am I so naked?
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