i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
