I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
