Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
