OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
