it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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