I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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