i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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