He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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