The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
