my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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