i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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