I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
