the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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