I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
