I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
