What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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