Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
