apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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