I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
