I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
