Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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