Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
