I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize