Well apparently he's into motor boating.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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