two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
