Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
