I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize