Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
