you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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