Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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