I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
