It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Success! We fucked roommates!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
