Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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