the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
