So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
