I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
