yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
