shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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